I am so tired of people.  Interactions with people at work.  Interactions with people on the commute to and from work. Interactions with roommate when I come home.  I miss my alone time.  I think that’s why lately I’ve been throwing myself into planning my vacation when I get home. It’s like an escape from all the stress at home and work. It’s like I can disappear. Temporarily.

Newsflash: First trip to Europe.  And first time meeting the parents.  Overwhelmed… and frankly, very nervous.

I’m diggin’ lime green and purple lately, hence the layout update.  Let me know what you think.  The banner that you see is of live sanddollars from the Monterey Bay Aquarium.  And simply, I love them.

Work is but the same update – not very happy and not dealing well with the uncertainty of what to do next.  Things would progress more I suppose if M was having more luck with job searching but for now, the economy in this country continues to be a shit hole.  And yes, I am grateful to still have a job.

So let’s focus on the good things, in light of the site’s refreshing makeover.  I’ve got a lot of trip planning to day and it’s the primary delightful distraction in my life right now.  I cannot wait to come home to read up on the places I will be visiting.  I’ve assimilated so much information over the past few weeks that I’ve been referring to myself as a little guidebook.  I am also a crazy planner so I’ve been researching and purchasing everything I’ll need for the trip.  And so… to Italy we will go.  Then I am likely to travel to one of the Scandanavian countries at the beginning of Sept., followed by a visit from my parents who have not visited the Bay area before (at least I’m sure my Dad hasn’t).  I cannot wait!!!!!!!

First up – Venice and Rome!

To be continued…

just about everything…

… sometimes it feels like the real world just isn’t for me.

Last minute travel planning on the brain – work so not. M and I are kind of late on the vacay ideas this year and realized unfortunately that August is the only opportunity for our vacations to coincide. And yes, I already know that August is the most popular time to take vacation especially in Europe. But oh well! Onwards! Rome has made it onto the agenda. But the second city is up in the air – Venice or Zurich?

Thoughts?

I’m torn. Venice would be so romantic but I’m not sure that would be healthy for me. There are some things I can’t control and it might make me sad. But the architecture is like a freaking dream from what I’ve seen pictures of. Zurich looks amazing too. Might have to wear pigtails

More details to come as I keep doing my research! But suggestions are welcome.

I’ve been feeling out of place at work lately – not straight out of school ie not a newbie so certain excuses can no longer apply. But I’m not even 5 years at the company yet, so can I be considered a vet? Not in my eyes. For that reason I feel lost. I can’t really gage how much people are expecting of me and the more I try to push myself out of my comfort zone in order to find out, the more panic attacks I’ve had to hide. The stress is there, a looming cloud that follows me around. Somehow I always feel like I’m letting someone down. The more I think about my age and where I’m at in my life, the more I feel like I’m at the bottom of the class.

How long did you ever think you’d stay at your first job? For me it was 3 years tops and then I’d either go back to school or move on to something else. But it’s almost 4 years later and I’m still here. Not to say that I haven’t learnt anything or that I’ve peaked but there is some monotony that follows me around. I always imagined that I’d live in an apartment complex or some type of gated community in the burbs and have my own place. Yup, no more shitty roommates to burn down the kitchen or sleep with my boyfriends. But naive as I’ve been, things didn’t pan out as I’d planned. It’s almost 4 years later and I’m still living with a roommate. One I had to find on criagslist no less. And my room seems more collage like than adult. I can’t even seem to keep my covers and sheets matching. Disaster. I stayed with a co-worker for a few days recently to off-set the burden of commuting so much since I had late meetings and she’s only 2 years older than me but I felt like I was staying with an adult. A real one. Matching furniture, appliances, a dining table… what is it about me that can’t seem to get my shit together.

The biggest thing on my mind is ‘What do I want to do next?’. I enjoy being an engineer but the career pace is so slow that I get bored easily. Perhaps that’s where I am – boredom. I’ve been toying with the idea of seriously looking into going back to school again. But what would I study? And it doesn’t solve that I don’t know what I would want to do after. I’m like the poster child for ‘Jack of all trades. Master of none.’

Maybe a simple change of scenery could change everything…

Seems wordpress has this new ‘post by e-mail’ function. Let’s see if it works….

So, the work opportunity fell through. Apparently someone high up there doesn’t know basic math skills such as addition. Anyway, as you can see by my lack of posting that they’ve kept me busy.

I’m at home… working as usual. It’s the millionth time in a row that I work at night. Not including weekends.

With Christmas coming, I feel really isolated. And I just found out my roommate is deciding to move in with her boyfriend, which leaves me a bit screwed as I need to look for yet another new person to live with. Know of someone? I could really stand for something to go my way. Back to work.

Except you can’t smell it when you live on the West Coast.  It’s the same air all year ’round.  I can’t believe it’s been 2 months since last I wrote something.  Well, that’s not true.   I’ve started a lot of posts and then abandoned them because I didn’t have time to complete them and then entirely forgot about them.

Work has been excruciating and found myself working every night and every weekend practically for the past couple months.  And I’m pretty much fed up!  To top it off, work has offered me an opportunity that somehow   I question whether I might be shooting myself in the foot.  The social aspect of things has also gone somewhat downhill because the people I used to hang out with have developed their own clique and it doesn’t include me.  And that doesn’t bother me quite so much as much as the feeling that we were never really friends at all.  They don’t even say hello either, which I find extremely rude.  D. is trying to get me to go to the Halloween party but I think I’m going to skip it; I just have nothing to say to them so what is the point.

I’ll write more about the work opportunity soon.  I haven’t quite made a decision.  Cheers to stress!

I’ve had a 2.5 month hiatus from this fantastic city and I’ve watched enough SATC lately to be suffering from serious NYC withdrawal.  The fog in SF is rolling in, which always makes me want to roll on out.  Today’s commute almost broke the camel’s back.  It was > 1.5hours long and I was the driver.  Anyway I found out that I pretty much get free WiFi all over every major city for free through my company on a company laptop.  How did I not know this before?!  Anyway it’s working sweet and is compensating for the 2 hour delay I’m experiencing right now.  Yes, I’m stuck at SFO.  Anyway, this weekend promises to be a blast! Jensy will be in town, as will Mike and Andrea.  Yay! I’ve got to finish planning my date with M and then make brunch plans with everyone.  I feel so Carrie ; )

As for work, I feel really bi-polar lately.  One moment, I’m elated about my project, motivated and psyched.  Five minutes later, I’m ready to poke my eyes out with a mandrel because the timeline and direction is so frustrating.  Today was one of the better days as I did a great presentation.  I’m getting better at not rehearsing my presentations perfectly.  It probably helps when you don’t have time to either.  :-/

Ok the plane is here.  See you in NYC!

I’m not sure why but lately I’ve been hiding a lot. Not feeling comfortable in my skin anymore. It’s like I shed the old one and grew a newer more pathetic one. Maybe it’s the time of year that the old skin re-appears. Maybe it’s just a time frame. Everywhere I turn, something reminds me of something else and leaves me uncomfortable. No matter what, I wish this feeling would go away.

Hopefully Wyoming will be a good thing. The SLR is coming with me.